With the Oscars boosting ABC’s ratings for a couple hours last night, I thought it was about time to give some awards to the NBA’s best. This is going to be kind of like the ESPY’s, in that it is in an awards format and about 100 total people will notice it. Anyway, Let’s get to the awards.

BEST ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE: SF KEVIN DURANT, OKLAHOMA CITY THUNDER. Surprised? You shouldn’t be. Durant and the Thunder’s rejuvenation is easily the most exciting thing going on in the NBA this season. Durant is the 3rd leading scorer in the NBA, putting up 29.6 PPG while also grabbing 7.6 RPG in only his third season. It’s more than the stats though: he is the key to Oklahoma City’s success. Without him, the Thunder would be dwindling in the Eastern Conference cellar, while also being situated in one of the NBA’s worst sports markets. Without Kobe, the Lakers could still win a playoff series. Without Durant, the Thunder couldn’t beat the Indiana Hoosiers in a game of “Horse”. Just as the “Best Actor” carries his film so does Durant carry his team. If the Thunder wants to make a postseason run it’s going to be on his bony shoulders.

BEST ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE: PG CHAUNCEY BILLUPS, DENVER NUGGETS. This was, up to this point, one of the most lopsided trades of the last couple seasons. Early in the 2008-09 campaign Detroit sent Chauncey Billups to Denver for Allen Iverson, straight up. In other words, Detroit sent its spiritual leader and consistent MVP Candidate to Denver for an aging superstar who had never won a championship and whose best season came in 2005. To make a long story short, the Pistons did not resign Iverson after the season and are 19 games under .500 this year without any consistent scoring or leadership. On the other end, Billups gave Denver the boost they needed last year to make a playoff run, and they are now a serious contender in the Western Conference this year as well. Billups is a superb distributor, making Carmelo Anthony (who is 2nd in the NBA in scoring) better simply by being on the court. Nene Hilario, Chris “Birdman” Anderson and Kenyon Martin also get more easy shots around the basket because Billups is a threat to shoot or drive, and so he relieves stress in the post. Chauncey does whatever his team needs him to do, whether that’s scoring 20 points or dishing 10 assists and grabbing 8 rebounds. With Iverson, the Nuggets were offensively selfish and nonexistent on defense. With Billups, Denver is primed to contend for an NBA Championship.

BEST DIRECTOR: PHIL JACKSON, LOS ANGELES LAKERS. Was there ever any question here? Phil Jackson is to this awards show what Meryl Streep is to the Oscars. He’s always there, and always deserving. Jackson won his 10th NBA title in 2009, and 4th with the Lakers. The triangle offense is now a thing of legend, and while it’s been continuously studied it’s never been stopped. He is a notorious Zen master, a quiet leader that prepares his team exceptionally and maintains his calm under any circumstances. And to be fair, he’s always had the players to win. First it was MJ and Pippen. Lately, it’s been Kobe, Shaq, Gasol and Odom. Still, teams have crumbled with that same amount of talent. But Phil Jackson’s teams never do. Next to Red Auerbach, he is the greatest coach of all time. I doubt he will be reading this, but if he does I’d like to thank him for 6 NBA titles in Chicago. The least I can do in return is give him a fake award.

BEST VISUAL EFFECTS: SF LEBRON JAMES, CLEVELAND CAVALIERS. Even James Cameron can’t recreate what this man does on a basketball court. Lebron is quite simply the greatest athlete the NBA has ever seen (not the greatest PLAYER, the greatest ATHLETE). Lebron is 6’8” and 250 pounds, and yet he is always the fastest man on the floor. He can do anything he wants with the basketball- drive, shoot, jump, block- anything. “King James” is a human highlight reel, producing dunks and blocks that leave the audience’s jaws on the floor. If he develops a more consistent jump shot and wins some rings he can be the greatest basketball player of all time. But for now, he’s going to have to settle for being the most visually pleasing.

BEST PICTURE: LOS ANGELES LAKERS. By “Best Picture”, I’m really giving out “best team”. It’s the ultimate prize. And the Lakers are the clear #1. LA has every facet of the game accounted for: a scorer (Kobe), a veteran (Fisher), an inside presence (Gasol, Bynum), a wing forward (Odom), a defensive stopper (Artest), and a terrible white bench player with a moustache (Adam Morrison). And with all that talent, they also have the coach that knows how to win rings, in Hall of Famer Phil Jackson. They won it last year, and there isn’t anything stopping them from winning again. And if by some fluke they don’t win, at least they have a shiny fake Oscar to put on their mantle.